These Phrases from A Parent Which Saved Us when I became a New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who still absorb damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."